The Three A's of Marriage

     It has been a long while since I've posted on this blog. I have been concentrating on another blog that I write about triathlon. I could probably find a way to fit this category into my triathlon blog, but I wanted to focus on the single topic of my post which is marriage.
     I am no therapist, psychologist or marriage counselor. Why on Earth would I want to blog about  marriage and why would anyone read what I have to say about it? No reason, except that I have experience on the subject as my husband and I are going on nineteen years of a successful marriage. Has it always been perfect and blissfully happy? Probably not, that is why it is a marriage.  This past weekend I attended my niece's wedding and was so overwhelmed and uplifted from the priest's homily that I felt compelled to share what he said. Perhaps it will inspire any married person reading to remember what is key to a happy marriage.
     We live in a culture of  now. Everything is immediate, we don't stop to smell the roses anymore. If we are not happy in the moment than many people walk away from marriages. It is rare to see couples that stay together for many years anymore. I am in my forties and my husband and I have seen many divorces transpire recently. I call it the mid-life crisis syndrome and it goes something like this... You wake up one morning realize that life has become boring. At age forty you probably have a spouse, a career, children, a mortgage. The pressures are real and things are not quite as exciting between you and your spouse as they used to be. Maybe you are bored with your job, but at this point what are you going to do change careers? So you may leave your current marriage or have an affair. You may see another person as the answer to your boredom rather than working on what you currently have. The grass always seems greener on the other side.
     My family and I attended my niece's wedding this past weekend and the homily or sermon presented by their parish priest touched me deeply. His message was simple that there are only three things to remember to have a happy marriage and a happy life as a married person. He called it the three A's of marriage.
     The first "A" is acceptance. Accept your spouse for who they are. It sounds very simple and should be, but over time in a married persons life it is easy to find your spouse's faults. Remember who that person is that you married and how you accepted that person willingly when you first met and don't dwell on their faults. Accept who they are and move on. There is a reason you fell in love with them in the first place, and overlooking faults was easy in the beginning so it is important to remember years into the marriage.
     The next "A" is for affirmation. Each person needs affirmation each day and to know that they are appreciated in some way, that they matter. It is easy to criticize someone. Father mentioned in his homily that it takes 25 positive statements to affirm someone after one criticism. I started thinking about that not only in reference to my marriage, but also in reference to my children and my job as a teacher. Positive affirmation is the key to success on many topics, but marriage especially. So remind your spouse and your loved ones daily that they are acknowledged for the hard work that they do and whatever they do for the family is greatly appreciated and not taken for granted.
     Finally the last "A" was affection. Make sure that you are telling your spouse on a daily basis how much you love them. I think appreciation is also an important component of affection as well. So many times we forget to tell our spouses and those around us how important they are to us and how much we truly love them, faults and all. Again, I feel that these principles can also be applied to other relationships that we have with family members and friends. Father mentioned telling our spouse that we love them one hundred times a day which may seem excessive, but why not try it? Those three simple words can make a world of difference even when you've had a disagreement. The other words so important in a marriage are "I'm sorry." Even if you think you are right on a subject matter it is easier to let it go, give a hug and say you are sorry.
     These three A's seem like common sense, but how often I myself have fallen into the trap of not doing these steps. It is easy to see what is wrong rather than what is right. Ignore the bad things, remember the good things and what attracted you to your spouse in the first place. I loved these words of wisdom from my niece's priest and left the wedding feeling hopeful for another nineteen of years of marriage myself.
     Peace be with you and yours and remember the next time your hubby throws his dirty underwear on the floor he's not doing it to annoy you. He probably doesn't even realize it annoys you. Simply pick it up and throw it in the dirty clothes. Then maybe the next time he does it remind him how much you love him when he throws them in the laundry himself. Hopefully he'll follow with a," Yes dear."