Gratitude

Hello again,

Okay so I had a little lapse yesterday. No real excuses except that I did teach all day and then I had to get my family ready for a basketball game which did not end until late and then we had to eat dinner, do homework, prepare for the next day etc. so I didn't blog-slacker that I am, but I did think about it and I did think about what I wanted to write. This is about baby steps as I said last post. That said...
Gratitude is the theme today. Gratitude is the state of being grateful. Grateful is the state of being thankful or appreciative. We have just finished the holiday season and usually for many of us that is a time to reflect on what we are truly grateful for; if you can get over the hustle bustle and stress that the holidays can bring.
This past holiday season was particularly difficult as we had three different people that we are close to wind up in the hospital for one reason or another. I will not disclose the who, whats, wheres, whys, of exactly what happened, but just know that right before Christmas someone wound up in the hospital fighting for his life. Shortly after Christmas two others that are close to my heart wound up in the hospital for various reasons. Needless to say the holidays were not that merry for me.
The events of a tragedy bring so many emotions; anger- yes anger as crazy as that sounds because you say how could this happen at a time of year when things are supposed to be so happy? Another emotion is fear which I wrote about the other day; this fear was fear of death or losing someone you care about and for each incident I was fearful. Sadness of course is an emotion that you experience during any difficult time and finally the most healing and soothing emotion was feeling grateful.
I started to feel grateful for all of my blessings. My immediate family is in good health. My children are happy( for the most part, I do have a tweenager), my husband still has a job( which allows me this writing dream), I have people who love me and who I love. I have my own health and I am able to participate in triathlon, I am able to breath clean air, I have all the essentials in order to live, the list goes on and on from basic needs to the very extravagant. Speaking of people we love that brings me to another point.
I am grateful knowing that there are people in the world that love me but I am certain that the reverse is true. We don't always think of how we touch others and how others touch us until a bad event strikes. Why don't we tell those who we love that we do more often? Why do wait until something bad happens to tell people that they are important and that they matter?
When a tragedy strikes it brings reflection. I am grateful for life and living it each and every day; good or bad, it certainly beats the alternative. I am grateful for a voice that I can use to say to people," Hey, I love you, you are great, you matter!" We all matter and we touch each other in ways that we don't realize until sometimes it is too late. I am grateful it is not too late!

Love to all,
p.s. I am grateful not to live in Haiti right now and feel a surge of emotions for those people living with the disaster.
Kelly

Enthusiasm

Hello again,



Today is day three of writing in here, and I have to say that I'm still sort of figuring out how to navigate in here and what I actually want to do with this. That said; yesterday I was so excited about my fear speech that I realized I had left out some things I wanted to say and that I had made some grammatical errors; I realized I could not go in and correct once I posted.

Regarding fear again; I think that I left out an important part and that is that when we are fearful we sometimes are because of the unknown, but if we knew everything there was to know on a project than we might over think it and never start it in the first place. For example, child birth and child rearing. If you knew the pain of child birth beforehand (obviously if you are male this doesn't apply) would you go through with it? If you knew how hard it would be to raise children would you do it? I think diving into things is the best way to overcome fear, at least for me.

Now that I've cleared that up I wanted to write about enthusiasm. Enthusiasm is defined as a feeling of excitement or exuberance: overflowing with eager enjoyment. That about sums up the feelings I was having yesterday with my brilliant speech about fear. I was so utterly excited that I left things out and made errors. My enthusiasm was my own worst enemy because I wasn't paying attention to the details.

What comes to mind is a funny movie called A Christmas Story. Maybe you've seen it, if you haven't I recommend it. There is a scene where the little boy in the story is daydreaming in elementary school about a theme he has to write. His daydream is about how brilliant his theme is but in reality it wasn't quite what his teacher thought was so A+. I had to laugh at myself for my own enthusiasm yesterday and realize that I need to curb it- get it- Curb Your Enthusiasm , which also happens to be one of my favorite shows. I can see Larry David now writing an episode about a writer who thinks they are wonderful but maybe they are not.
Then again we need enthusiasm to try new things. I am always enthusiastic in the beginning of new projects. This is also a new year which is a time for new years resolutions. We start out gunge ho for our resolutions only to find that we may not be able to keep them. Which brings me to my next point; baby steps.
Baby steps is how I am approaching writing. By using this blog and writing something each day I am closer to the goal of really becoming a writer and living the writers life.

Kelly
p.s. I am almost done with my latest story. I should finish in a day or two.

Fear

Hello again,

Well here I am it is day two. Last night I had a cup of coffee around 5pm; bad idea as at my age. I tossed and turned all night while I should have been getting my eight hours. The good news is that I had an "aha" moment as my mother likes to call them. She has reminded me that since I turned forty I would have these epiphanies quite often- and I hate to admit but she is right. Somehow with the wrinkles and weight gain comes some "aha" moments in life where things seem to make sense. I digress. Anyway during my sleepless night I realized that today I wanted to write about fear and the power it can have over us.
Fear is defined as unpleasant emotion caused by expectation or awareness of danger; the verb to be afraid. Humm sounds a lot like me with this writing thing. For the last few years I have talked the talk but not really walked the walk and why? Plain and simple; fear. The what ifs are a killer. For example, what if no one reads any of this? What if no one likes my stories? What if I am rejected(which actually I already have been)? What if I suck at writing and I fail? I have stopped and started many projects as a result of fear.
I wanted to address fear so that I can move forward with my writing and not be stifled by my own doubt. Ignorance is bliss and that is so true. When I did my first triathlon was I scared? Yes, so you could say I was fearful because of the unknown; I did not know what to expect but I simply plowed through blocking out of my mind the little person that says," you can't do that." I embraced the other voice in my head that said,"you can do this." I prepared by training and reading so that I wasn't a blithering idiot at the start line but at the same time I was ignorant to the fact that I might actually be successful at it.
Alanis Morissette says it so wonderfully in her Eight Easy Steps song; a line that says," how to sabotage your fantasies by fears of success." She'll teach you all this in eight easy steps a chance of a lifetime you'll never forget. The point is that we can sabotage our own goals and fantasies by being afraid of succeeding as well. The old saying be careful what you wish for just might happen and with that comes responsibility and who wants that?!
We all need to listen the voice in our head that says, "yes you can!" I'll keep telling myself this as I plow forward, not knowing what lies ahead, but then who really knows anyway? I'll see you tomorrow.

Kelly
p.s. I did write a few pages in my story Karaoke Fridays yesterday and when I sign off here today I'll be doing the same, I am closer to being done:)
p.p.s. Is anyone reading this?

Hello

Hello,

I've decided to write a blog to help get me motivated to write something every day. A long term goal of mine has been to compose a novel or novelette of some of my short stories. On my blog I will update you on how that is going and also post some of my stories for you to read. I am hopeful by doing this that my goal of getting my book done will become a reality and also I hope to get feedback from family and friends.
You will find a variety of writing on my blog from fiction to non-fiction to editorial type pieces or I may just tell you something that happened to me that day as I tend to find myself in interesting situations just living life. Most of my stories involve family situations and relationships which sounds kind of dull but if you have your own family than you know how crazy and complicated any family can be. I love humor and dark humor and stories of the human spirit and how anyone can overcome issues.
I hope you will visit my blog regularly as this will encourage me to write daily and get the ball rolling. My current story that I've been working on is called Karaoke Fridays and I hope to have it finished soon. It is the story of several different groups of people who happen to show up at a karaoke bar and who end up being intertwined. The karaoke part is really just a backdrop; the heart of the story is the characters and what is happening with them beyond the bar. They all show up to the bar to blow off steam as all the characters have complicated issues going on in their lives. Everything comes full circle at the end.
Stop by again tomorrow and hopefully I will have something new here.

Take care and Happy New Year! Lets make 2010 memorable!
Kelly