Food is Love
I was blasting Alanis Morissette on the way to pick up my sister Jessie at the airport. My grandma had just died and the funeral was tomorrow. Jessie lived in Denver,I was still stuck in Pennsylvania.
The Harrisburg Airport was a tiny little airport located in Middletown Pa near my grandmother’s house. We were going to stay at my aunt’s house; she lived a mile from my grandmother. We could have stayed at my place but it was the size of a postage stamp. Jessie lived the life of luxury. Unlike my four hundred square foot apartment, Jessie’s house was 4,000 square feet. Her husband and two kids would not make the trip, which was fine with me. The last time I visited I spent the entire weekend chasing my nephews through various stores in Denver.
The grand finale was at Trader Joe’s when Dakota took down the whole display of dark chocolate while screaming that he needed to go poop in French. Darcy stood his ground at the bakery, demanding multiple samples of cinnamon rolls. The clerk tried to convince him that there was only one per customer until Darcy decided to scream at the top of his lungs, “NOOOOOO!” Another clerk from a different department showed up with lollipops for both the kids. This is one of the many reasons I don’t have children.
I never understood why my sister named her son Darcy. Dakota was pushing it but I could understand as my sister would pick things that were trendy. Darcy sounded like a girls name to me but she insisted on it because she said it was French in origin. My sister was going through a French phase. Her husband had promised a trip to Southern France when the kids were old enough to appreciate it. According to my sister that was next year when Dakota would be five and Darcy would be four. Sounds just like the right age to me.
She had even enrolled the kids into a French school in Denver called, what else, but La Petite Academy. They had a preschool and an elementary school that was “French” centered, whatever that means. Leave it to my sister. All I could picture was spoiled little brats sitting around drinking coffee out of white porcelain cups and learning how to make bread or pain, pronounced pan. The only reason I know the French word for bread is because during my last visit, Darcy decided he wanted some bread one morning for breakfast and stood in the kitchen yelling for it in French. My response to him was, “Do you know how to say please in French?” He looked at me and said, “PAIN!!!!!” Then he kicked me in the shin.
Anyway I was looking forward to some one on one time with Jessie even though the circumstances were not the greatest. My grandmother had died of a stroke. She was eighty nine years old and lived with my Uncle or should I say he lived with her. Apparently it is not that uncommon, according to my dad that a grown man lives with his mother. I thought it was outrageous but what did I know? I was just a struggling guidance counselor at the middle school, living in a tiny apartment, trying to make ends meet.
My Uncle Russell lived in a three bedroom house, got his meals cooked, laundry done, drove a brand new car, and spent most of his days at the VFW, but hey I was unreasonable. Uncle Russell helped Grandma stay alive all of these years. I wondered what he would do now.
My cell phone rang; it was Jessie saying that her flight had been delayed and that it would be a few more hours until her flight got in. Great, I thought, now what do I do? It’s not like I’m into shopping to kill time and on my salary I don’t have extra money most of the time anyway. Did I hear crying in the background?
I picked up Jessie after spending some time at an old record store near the airport that had been converted to a CD store. The guy who owned it was an old hippy that kept a large glassed room in the back with old vinyl records. It was actually a really cool store called Old and New. I remember my dad taking us there to kill time sometimes before we went to Grandma’s house. We spent more time at the record store than we did at Grandma’s I never really understood it until I got older.
I pulled into the parking deck marked hourly. I was hoping that her flight would not be delayed any longer as there was nothing to do out this way. I remember thinking this when we would go to visit her. Even though she only lived about thirty minutes from us we always complained how far away she lived. Her house was out in the country a little bit, at least compared to Harrisburg and there weren’t many kids to play with.
I pulled into a spot close to the elevator doors and I locked up my Subaru Outback; this was my second one. I loved my little wagon. Anyway I locked up my car and went into the airport, checked the monitor for flights from Denver, which wasn’t hard as this was a tiny airport and then went downstairs to baggage claim. I figured with security this would be the best spot.
Thursday, January 28, 2010
Negative Nancy
Hello,
Well my usual Susie Sunshine, Pollyanna personality finally came to an end the other night. That's right, I let the other side of my head come out. While I have a Pollyanna side the other part of my ego is the three headed negative monster I'll name Negative Nancy.
Negative Nancy can ruin just about anything. She came out the other night after I had written my blog about dear old Francis. I was happy with what I wrote about my friend but I was also feeling a little melancholy. Then like a cloud of black smoke a pop up appeared in my computer. The pop-up said that I had a virus in my computer and that I'd better download this software or else! Being the technologically challenged girl I am I fell for it.
Basically all hell broke out on my computer. I had infected my computer by downloading this software that was supposed to help me! These companies and people who put this stuff out there should be shot;okay well maybe just punished.
That is when Negative Nancy appeared. My other ego reminded me of how stupid I can be and how could I fall for such a scam. Nancy really let me have it and then started telling me how horrible of writer I am and how this goal is unattainable and how could I think I could accomplish my dreams? Nancy is a pain in the ass. Nancy had me in tears feeling sorry for myself. She is like the "so called" friend in your life that is always telling you that you can't do something; you know the type everyone knows someone like that.
Negative Nancy got me in a fight with my husband as then I started to question everything about our relationship. Negative Nancy is so clever. She then got me so upset as everything in my house needs to be replaced and remodeled, I am fat, I am a horrible mother, I am horrible at being married, I am basically worthless.
Negative Nancy ruined my night. She had me in tears and feeling miserable and she even had my poor husband wondering what to say. He was scared to death of Negative Nancy! Finally my husband was able to break through her with some really powerful words.
He said I feel like that all the time but I tell myself that,"I am the guy." This got Negative Nancy's attention! "What do you mean?" she said. He continued to tell her that he goes to work every day telling himself that he is number one and that he can conquer anything. Negative Nancy was skeptical. He continued to explain that the reason he is so successful is because he won't let negative thoughts in."If you keep telling yourself these things it will be true," he said. "Look at our life. We have always said our goals and dreams out loud and they have pretty much happened." Kind of like a self fulfilling prophecy Nancy asked? "Exactly!" he said.
Negative Nancy started to go the corner and Susie Sunshine was starting to emerge again. "You mean I matter? I am not a bad mom and I am not stupid because I infected our computer? Just because I have stayed home with kids doesn't mean I am not successful in my own right? Maybe I could get my writing published?" My husband smiled and said, "Exactly!" We have self talk all the time but it is what we tell ourselves over and over that we become.
Pollyanna woke up, wiped the tears from her eyes, and said," Hey you know what, I was thinking the other day and I have a really good idea for a business." My husband raised his eyebrow and said," lets hear it." He listened and smiled and said, "My entire office would be into that!"
Negative Nancy ran for the door. Susie and Pollyanna called after her," Don't let the door hit you on the way out! Sianara sucker! See you later Nancy!"
Hello Susie Sunshine! Now I know why I married you I thought. Susie wasn't quite ready to say it out loud, but she sure thought it!
I have to go now so I can clean out Negative Nancy's closet.
Kelly
Well my usual Susie Sunshine, Pollyanna personality finally came to an end the other night. That's right, I let the other side of my head come out. While I have a Pollyanna side the other part of my ego is the three headed negative monster I'll name Negative Nancy.
Negative Nancy can ruin just about anything. She came out the other night after I had written my blog about dear old Francis. I was happy with what I wrote about my friend but I was also feeling a little melancholy. Then like a cloud of black smoke a pop up appeared in my computer. The pop-up said that I had a virus in my computer and that I'd better download this software or else! Being the technologically challenged girl I am I fell for it.
Basically all hell broke out on my computer. I had infected my computer by downloading this software that was supposed to help me! These companies and people who put this stuff out there should be shot;okay well maybe just punished.
That is when Negative Nancy appeared. My other ego reminded me of how stupid I can be and how could I fall for such a scam. Nancy really let me have it and then started telling me how horrible of writer I am and how this goal is unattainable and how could I think I could accomplish my dreams? Nancy is a pain in the ass. Nancy had me in tears feeling sorry for myself. She is like the "so called" friend in your life that is always telling you that you can't do something; you know the type everyone knows someone like that.
Negative Nancy got me in a fight with my husband as then I started to question everything about our relationship. Negative Nancy is so clever. She then got me so upset as everything in my house needs to be replaced and remodeled, I am fat, I am a horrible mother, I am horrible at being married, I am basically worthless.
Negative Nancy ruined my night. She had me in tears and feeling miserable and she even had my poor husband wondering what to say. He was scared to death of Negative Nancy! Finally my husband was able to break through her with some really powerful words.
He said I feel like that all the time but I tell myself that,"I am the guy." This got Negative Nancy's attention! "What do you mean?" she said. He continued to tell her that he goes to work every day telling himself that he is number one and that he can conquer anything. Negative Nancy was skeptical. He continued to explain that the reason he is so successful is because he won't let negative thoughts in."If you keep telling yourself these things it will be true," he said. "Look at our life. We have always said our goals and dreams out loud and they have pretty much happened." Kind of like a self fulfilling prophecy Nancy asked? "Exactly!" he said.
Negative Nancy started to go the corner and Susie Sunshine was starting to emerge again. "You mean I matter? I am not a bad mom and I am not stupid because I infected our computer? Just because I have stayed home with kids doesn't mean I am not successful in my own right? Maybe I could get my writing published?" My husband smiled and said, "Exactly!" We have self talk all the time but it is what we tell ourselves over and over that we become.
Pollyanna woke up, wiped the tears from her eyes, and said," Hey you know what, I was thinking the other day and I have a really good idea for a business." My husband raised his eyebrow and said," lets hear it." He listened and smiled and said, "My entire office would be into that!"
Negative Nancy ran for the door. Susie and Pollyanna called after her," Don't let the door hit you on the way out! Sianara sucker! See you later Nancy!"
Hello Susie Sunshine! Now I know why I married you I thought. Susie wasn't quite ready to say it out loud, but she sure thought it!
I have to go now so I can clean out Negative Nancy's closet.
Kelly
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
Goodbye
Hello,
I have never liked goodbyes. Perhaps because I know it is the end of something and beginnings are so much more fun like when you are on your way somewhere or starting a vacation. The anticipation of what is to come is always so much better than after the fact.
Today I went for my swim at the YMCA where we've been members for years. The West Shore Y in Harrisburg has some interesting characters as members. The usual stay-at-home mom group, the hard core jocks, business guys and gals grabbing a quick workout between appointments, and the seniors.
No one really gives me the time of day except a cute little group of senior men. I have fondly nicknamed them my boyfriends. Most range in age between sixty and eighty. Since I've moved to Pennsylvania, four years ago, they are the only "Y" members that ever talk to me. Why couldn't it be some twenty year old hottie? Anyway there are around four or so that always talk to me.
Gene, Jack, Jack(there are two),Joe, and Francis. They all have different things they do at the "Y" but one way or another they usually make their way over to say hi while I'm running on the treadmill. I will seek them out as well to shoot the shit and procrastinate my workout.
My favorite character of the bunch is Francis. Francis is around eighty and survived quadruple bi pass surgery. He comes to spin class and usually sits on the bike next to mine. There are some talkers in this class to the point of being obnoxious, myself probably included. Francis does his own thing. He comes to class because the doc told him to exercise and since he retired his wife kicks him out of the house.
There are mostly women in spin class and when you get a group of women together for an hour the topics are flowing and abundant. You'll hear everything from what books we are reading, to the latest trend for kids, current events,religion, and yes politics. The latter is one of the reasons I haven't been for a while. Anyway the whole hour, as we are prodding and pedalling and yacking, my friend Francis pedals away with a large grin on his face. I'm not sure in agreement or in amusement of how obnoxious we are. We asked him once what he thought on a subject and he replied," What she said," and pointed to the redhead across from me. Then he said,"That is why I've been married for thirty years." We all laughed as Francis was easy going and easy to be around, unlike some of the spinners ingrained in their opinions, Francis was happy to listen.
Francis always wears a Notre Dame cap to class and sweat pants and a sweat shirt.I once asked him if he ever got too hot wearing sweats to class and he gently replied that since he developed diabetes he got cold sometimes. I was embarrassed by my own question and said I was sorry but Francis replied, "There's nothing to be sorry about kiddo." That's Francis; gentle and kind.
Francis always leaves spin class like a gentleman. He will usually leave early, he has earned that right, but always with a goodbye and a tip of his hat."Bye Francis," we will all chime. He waves and smiles.
I haven't been to spin class in a while. Today I went to swim and was thinking about Francis as I had not seen him in so long. I had heard through my "boyfriends," that he was in the hospital. I stopped on my way out today to say hi to the group. They were sitting in the lobby enjoying their post workout coffee.
I asked how things were going and then I asked Gene how Francis was doing. The two Jacks were there and Gene. Gene answered by saying,"Francis? Who is Francis?" I said,"you know Francis, he always does spin class with us?" Jack responded by saying,"Fran? He's married to Pat?" Yes I responded although I had never met Pat. They all looked at me with a blank stare and then Jack said,"Fran passed away a few months ago." I felt sick to my stomach. Jack continued to tell me that his last name was Hannon and that he had worked for Mars Candy as a salesman for thirty years. I realized how little I knew of the kind man in my spin class. Jack also said that his wife Pat was still coming to the "Y."
I never met Pat before but I hoped the next time I go to the YMCA to meet her. I will tell her how special Francis was to me and that he always said hello and made me smile. I wish the last time I saw Francis I knew it was going to be goodbye as I would have hugged him for always seeming like he was happy to see me.
That is the trouble with goodbye; there are no more hellos.
Until we meet again,
Kelly
I have never liked goodbyes. Perhaps because I know it is the end of something and beginnings are so much more fun like when you are on your way somewhere or starting a vacation. The anticipation of what is to come is always so much better than after the fact.
Today I went for my swim at the YMCA where we've been members for years. The West Shore Y in Harrisburg has some interesting characters as members. The usual stay-at-home mom group, the hard core jocks, business guys and gals grabbing a quick workout between appointments, and the seniors.
No one really gives me the time of day except a cute little group of senior men. I have fondly nicknamed them my boyfriends. Most range in age between sixty and eighty. Since I've moved to Pennsylvania, four years ago, they are the only "Y" members that ever talk to me. Why couldn't it be some twenty year old hottie? Anyway there are around four or so that always talk to me.
Gene, Jack, Jack(there are two),Joe, and Francis. They all have different things they do at the "Y" but one way or another they usually make their way over to say hi while I'm running on the treadmill. I will seek them out as well to shoot the shit and procrastinate my workout.
My favorite character of the bunch is Francis. Francis is around eighty and survived quadruple bi pass surgery. He comes to spin class and usually sits on the bike next to mine. There are some talkers in this class to the point of being obnoxious, myself probably included. Francis does his own thing. He comes to class because the doc told him to exercise and since he retired his wife kicks him out of the house.
There are mostly women in spin class and when you get a group of women together for an hour the topics are flowing and abundant. You'll hear everything from what books we are reading, to the latest trend for kids, current events,religion, and yes politics. The latter is one of the reasons I haven't been for a while. Anyway the whole hour, as we are prodding and pedalling and yacking, my friend Francis pedals away with a large grin on his face. I'm not sure in agreement or in amusement of how obnoxious we are. We asked him once what he thought on a subject and he replied," What she said," and pointed to the redhead across from me. Then he said,"That is why I've been married for thirty years." We all laughed as Francis was easy going and easy to be around, unlike some of the spinners ingrained in their opinions, Francis was happy to listen.
Francis always wears a Notre Dame cap to class and sweat pants and a sweat shirt.I once asked him if he ever got too hot wearing sweats to class and he gently replied that since he developed diabetes he got cold sometimes. I was embarrassed by my own question and said I was sorry but Francis replied, "There's nothing to be sorry about kiddo." That's Francis; gentle and kind.
Francis always leaves spin class like a gentleman. He will usually leave early, he has earned that right, but always with a goodbye and a tip of his hat."Bye Francis," we will all chime. He waves and smiles.
I haven't been to spin class in a while. Today I went to swim and was thinking about Francis as I had not seen him in so long. I had heard through my "boyfriends," that he was in the hospital. I stopped on my way out today to say hi to the group. They were sitting in the lobby enjoying their post workout coffee.
I asked how things were going and then I asked Gene how Francis was doing. The two Jacks were there and Gene. Gene answered by saying,"Francis? Who is Francis?" I said,"you know Francis, he always does spin class with us?" Jack responded by saying,"Fran? He's married to Pat?" Yes I responded although I had never met Pat. They all looked at me with a blank stare and then Jack said,"Fran passed away a few months ago." I felt sick to my stomach. Jack continued to tell me that his last name was Hannon and that he had worked for Mars Candy as a salesman for thirty years. I realized how little I knew of the kind man in my spin class. Jack also said that his wife Pat was still coming to the "Y."
I never met Pat before but I hoped the next time I go to the YMCA to meet her. I will tell her how special Francis was to me and that he always said hello and made me smile. I wish the last time I saw Francis I knew it was going to be goodbye as I would have hugged him for always seeming like he was happy to see me.
That is the trouble with goodbye; there are no more hellos.
Until we meet again,
Kelly
Monday, January 25, 2010
Balance
Hello friends,
It has been a few days since I have been here but you should know that I have diligently been working on Karaoke Fridays. Now I am completely sick of the story and hate it. That is usually what happens after I have spent so long on anything, I begin to loathe it; in every single aspect. Oh well chalk it up to my ADD; which brings me to the next topic of balance.
Balance is a weighing device,counteracting weight,force, or influence; to equalize or bring into harmony. Ah but I like the latter where it states balance as bringing into harmony or equalizing.
The other day when I was swimming,(triathlon parallels so well with life), I realized that like triathloning, writing is a balance. I can not possibly conquer everything in one day or even one week; like triathlon, writing is a slow but steady process, but like everything else in life it is a balancing act to keep it going.
We all have things to balance: work, family, exercise, hobbies, our finances. The hard part if finding time for the things that are truly important. That is difficult because we all have different values placed on what is priority.
I think what I've learned lately is relationships and family are priority and everything else is a balance. Living every day to its fullest, now that is priority. Writing, triathlon, finances, well for now I have to keep those things in check.
See you later,
Kelly
It has been a few days since I have been here but you should know that I have diligently been working on Karaoke Fridays. Now I am completely sick of the story and hate it. That is usually what happens after I have spent so long on anything, I begin to loathe it; in every single aspect. Oh well chalk it up to my ADD; which brings me to the next topic of balance.
Balance is a weighing device,counteracting weight,force, or influence; to equalize or bring into harmony. Ah but I like the latter where it states balance as bringing into harmony or equalizing.
The other day when I was swimming,(triathlon parallels so well with life), I realized that like triathloning, writing is a balance. I can not possibly conquer everything in one day or even one week; like triathlon, writing is a slow but steady process, but like everything else in life it is a balancing act to keep it going.
We all have things to balance: work, family, exercise, hobbies, our finances. The hard part if finding time for the things that are truly important. That is difficult because we all have different values placed on what is priority.
I think what I've learned lately is relationships and family are priority and everything else is a balance. Living every day to its fullest, now that is priority. Writing, triathlon, finances, well for now I have to keep those things in check.
See you later,
Kelly
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
Editing, editing, editing...
Hello,
Well after six months I finally finished Karaoke Fridays yesterday. I spent much of today editing after a fight with Microsoft Word(I'll write on that later). At any rate after I printed out 97 pages and read through my wonderful manuscript I found some things I need to tidy up a bit but really I was pretty excited that there weren't too many wholes or grammatical errors.
I can not post the whole thing on here as I feel it is too long but I could email those interested in the story. I think I will try to put a few pages in the blog to get you interested or maybe not so interested. Give me time to do this, I heard it wasn't the easiest thing to paste in here for some reason. That's all for tonight. I am tired and my eyes hurt from reading.
Oh I did buy a Jane Austen book today. I've never read her and I'm told she is great. I chose Sense and Sensibilities as it was her first novel. One of my firm beliefs is that to become a decent writer I must be a good reader as well, so there you go, more on that later.
Kelly
Well after six months I finally finished Karaoke Fridays yesterday. I spent much of today editing after a fight with Microsoft Word(I'll write on that later). At any rate after I printed out 97 pages and read through my wonderful manuscript I found some things I need to tidy up a bit but really I was pretty excited that there weren't too many wholes or grammatical errors.
I can not post the whole thing on here as I feel it is too long but I could email those interested in the story. I think I will try to put a few pages in the blog to get you interested or maybe not so interested. Give me time to do this, I heard it wasn't the easiest thing to paste in here for some reason. That's all for tonight. I am tired and my eyes hurt from reading.
Oh I did buy a Jane Austen book today. I've never read her and I'm told she is great. I chose Sense and Sensibilities as it was her first novel. One of my firm beliefs is that to become a decent writer I must be a good reader as well, so there you go, more on that later.
Kelly
Monday, January 18, 2010
Commitment
Hello again,
Okay so I missed a blog yesterday, in fact I did not write at all;again baby steps. The one thing about my writing is that even though I didn't log into the computer or log into my blog I did think about how I want to end Karaoke Fridays, my latest story. So does that count? I'm thinking it does because as a writer I need to play out certain scenes in my mind before I write them down; this is part of the process so I believe that it totally counts. I am very visual. I have to sort of see a movie or picture play out in my mind a few times before I am comfortable with it. That is where triathlon comes into play. When I am running, swimming, biking it is also thinking time and it is there that I can play out scenes and ideas in my mind most clearly. The two tie in very well together. In fact this very moment I am jonesing for a run, which leads me to my next point;commitment.
Commitment is to perform or do; pledge. Aha pledge, so by pledging to write or think about what I want to write I may actually do this. I've read that it takes about two weeks to form a habit. I am on week two. So maybe it is not about commitment but rather habit? Humm. I think it is the ability to do both. Once I commit to something I am more apt to finish. When I commit or sign up for a race I am more apt to do it as I've payed money, I've told people, I've commited to completing the race. After a while the workouts become habitual. I am approaching writing the same way. So today, after this blog, after I run( I can't do anything until that is done), I have to commit to sitting in this chair and finishing Karaoke Fridays. I'll let you know how it goes tomorrow!
Kelly
P.S. If any of you are reading this please let me know. I feel like this is more of a diary than anything. Also I am worried about posting stories on here without having my work copyrighted so if any of you know anything about that let me know.
Okay so I missed a blog yesterday, in fact I did not write at all;again baby steps. The one thing about my writing is that even though I didn't log into the computer or log into my blog I did think about how I want to end Karaoke Fridays, my latest story. So does that count? I'm thinking it does because as a writer I need to play out certain scenes in my mind before I write them down; this is part of the process so I believe that it totally counts. I am very visual. I have to sort of see a movie or picture play out in my mind a few times before I am comfortable with it. That is where triathlon comes into play. When I am running, swimming, biking it is also thinking time and it is there that I can play out scenes and ideas in my mind most clearly. The two tie in very well together. In fact this very moment I am jonesing for a run, which leads me to my next point;commitment.
Commitment is to perform or do; pledge. Aha pledge, so by pledging to write or think about what I want to write I may actually do this. I've read that it takes about two weeks to form a habit. I am on week two. So maybe it is not about commitment but rather habit? Humm. I think it is the ability to do both. Once I commit to something I am more apt to finish. When I commit or sign up for a race I am more apt to do it as I've payed money, I've told people, I've commited to completing the race. After a while the workouts become habitual. I am approaching writing the same way. So today, after this blog, after I run( I can't do anything until that is done), I have to commit to sitting in this chair and finishing Karaoke Fridays. I'll let you know how it goes tomorrow!
Kelly
P.S. If any of you are reading this please let me know. I feel like this is more of a diary than anything. Also I am worried about posting stories on here without having my work copyrighted so if any of you know anything about that let me know.
Saturday, January 16, 2010
Joy
Hello,
Okay so what I'm noticing is that I am spending more time writing in this blog than finishing my latest story. My procrastination is kicking in here as I am distracted by the blog. However I am writing something and that is the goal. By the way I forgot to mention in my gratitude blog how truly grateful I am for my niece Jennifer and her husband Tivoni. They are the people who helped me set up this blog as I am not as technologically savvy as the typical twenty year old. I am trying.
Now that I've cleared that up I'd like to touch on the emotion joy. I am seeing a pattern here with this blog. Humm.
Joy is the feeling of happiness and perhaps one of my resolutions this year is to find simple joy in things that I do everyday or things that I do in life. I'm thinking that by finding simple joy it can lead to contentment- not that I'm not already content but...
I substitute teach in my children's district and realized yesterday that by rotating around to the different elementary schools I am learning what I like and I don't like; in case I ever commit to this full time. Yesterday I discovered a wonderful little school down in Wellsville. I was in for kindergarten and the building is the schools old building that they only use for kindergarten now. There are two classes in the building and that is it.
The building is an old stone school house. The classrooms are huge and there is coatroom that separates the two classrooms. There is a fireplace in the room and old fashioned piano. I felt like Laura Ingalls going to school.They have their own separate playground too which is wonderful for kids just going to school and learning the routine.
I felt true joy just with these pleasant surroundings but I knew that feeling could change in an instant because as a substitute you are fair game for nonsense and the kids know it. They are like little predators; they know when to pounce when you hesitate. Thank God I am a good actress. Subbing 101, even if you are not sure of something( which will happen to you about a million times) fake it.
The day was flowing and it was truly joyful. The kids were listening, their little eyes sparkling as they held onto to all my words about polar bears and penguins. When you are flowing it is the best feeling in the world. You feel like a rock star on stage as they are smiling and nodding and holding onto to every word until one of them strikes your concentration.
Yesterday was no different than any other day subbing except perhaps I was able to let go a little and realize that these little people are giving me such joy even with the hundred questions of when they could use the bathroom or that they had a boobo that was bleeding; and two of them really did.
The funniest part of the day was a child who I'll call Cindy. There is always a Cindy in class. She wasn't bad, just precocious and questioned every word I said even though I give a speech in the beginning of class reminding the kids that I am not their teacher and I will do things differently. Most of the kids buy into this speech but there is always one...
During recess, Cindy and I were able to converse one on one. She told me she was sick and I replied, "You shouldn't come to school sick Cindy." She replied, " But Mrs. S does." Mrs. S is her regular teacher. I thought this was funny but also probably true as five years olds are brutally honest.
My next exchange with Cindy was me asking if she was having a good day and liked having me as a substitute. Her reply was,"No." My heart broke instantly and that early joy dissipitated instantly. "Why Cindy?" I asked. "I like it when Mrs. K visits us." "Who is Mrs. K?," I asked. "She is our school nurse." Ah suddenly I didn't feel so bad anymore. The school nurse is a rock star in her own right.
During centers I was rotating around the room as if you are behind your desk for a second you are dead. Cindy was on the computer, not exactly on task, so I helped her get back on track. She looked at me and said, "You don't need to come over here, I know what I'm doing." "Indeed," I replied and had to laugh to myself, the joy was coming back as I remembered my own experiences with substitutes. Testing the waters was always so fun!
Later Cindy and two others were studying a large floor map. They asked me to point to where Pennsylvania is on the map. I said," We live in Pennsylvania don't we?" The boys shook their heads yes but not Cindy. "I don't live in Pennsylvania!" "Where do you live Cindy?" I wondered where this was going. "I live in the mountains." I nodded.
The morning flew by and we said our goodbyes.I lined them up, helping button their coats and telling them how much I enjoyed them. I looked at Cindy as they walked out to get on the bus and I tried one more time to win her over.
" So," I said, " What do you think, can I come back and visit sometime?..." She looked at me with a raised eyebrow and said, "Maybe." And like that they all ran off to their parents or onto to the bus and I was forgotten instantly. Imagine the joy those kids felt just knowing they were going home for lunch!
See you tomorrow,
Kelly
Okay so what I'm noticing is that I am spending more time writing in this blog than finishing my latest story. My procrastination is kicking in here as I am distracted by the blog. However I am writing something and that is the goal. By the way I forgot to mention in my gratitude blog how truly grateful I am for my niece Jennifer and her husband Tivoni. They are the people who helped me set up this blog as I am not as technologically savvy as the typical twenty year old. I am trying.
Now that I've cleared that up I'd like to touch on the emotion joy. I am seeing a pattern here with this blog. Humm.
Joy is the feeling of happiness and perhaps one of my resolutions this year is to find simple joy in things that I do everyday or things that I do in life. I'm thinking that by finding simple joy it can lead to contentment- not that I'm not already content but...
I substitute teach in my children's district and realized yesterday that by rotating around to the different elementary schools I am learning what I like and I don't like; in case I ever commit to this full time. Yesterday I discovered a wonderful little school down in Wellsville. I was in for kindergarten and the building is the schools old building that they only use for kindergarten now. There are two classes in the building and that is it.
The building is an old stone school house. The classrooms are huge and there is coatroom that separates the two classrooms. There is a fireplace in the room and old fashioned piano. I felt like Laura Ingalls going to school.They have their own separate playground too which is wonderful for kids just going to school and learning the routine.
I felt true joy just with these pleasant surroundings but I knew that feeling could change in an instant because as a substitute you are fair game for nonsense and the kids know it. They are like little predators; they know when to pounce when you hesitate. Thank God I am a good actress. Subbing 101, even if you are not sure of something( which will happen to you about a million times) fake it.
The day was flowing and it was truly joyful. The kids were listening, their little eyes sparkling as they held onto to all my words about polar bears and penguins. When you are flowing it is the best feeling in the world. You feel like a rock star on stage as they are smiling and nodding and holding onto to every word until one of them strikes your concentration.
Yesterday was no different than any other day subbing except perhaps I was able to let go a little and realize that these little people are giving me such joy even with the hundred questions of when they could use the bathroom or that they had a boobo that was bleeding; and two of them really did.
The funniest part of the day was a child who I'll call Cindy. There is always a Cindy in class. She wasn't bad, just precocious and questioned every word I said even though I give a speech in the beginning of class reminding the kids that I am not their teacher and I will do things differently. Most of the kids buy into this speech but there is always one...
During recess, Cindy and I were able to converse one on one. She told me she was sick and I replied, "You shouldn't come to school sick Cindy." She replied, " But Mrs. S does." Mrs. S is her regular teacher. I thought this was funny but also probably true as five years olds are brutally honest.
My next exchange with Cindy was me asking if she was having a good day and liked having me as a substitute. Her reply was,"No." My heart broke instantly and that early joy dissipitated instantly. "Why Cindy?" I asked. "I like it when Mrs. K visits us." "Who is Mrs. K?," I asked. "She is our school nurse." Ah suddenly I didn't feel so bad anymore. The school nurse is a rock star in her own right.
During centers I was rotating around the room as if you are behind your desk for a second you are dead. Cindy was on the computer, not exactly on task, so I helped her get back on track. She looked at me and said, "You don't need to come over here, I know what I'm doing." "Indeed," I replied and had to laugh to myself, the joy was coming back as I remembered my own experiences with substitutes. Testing the waters was always so fun!
Later Cindy and two others were studying a large floor map. They asked me to point to where Pennsylvania is on the map. I said," We live in Pennsylvania don't we?" The boys shook their heads yes but not Cindy. "I don't live in Pennsylvania!" "Where do you live Cindy?" I wondered where this was going. "I live in the mountains." I nodded.
The morning flew by and we said our goodbyes.I lined them up, helping button their coats and telling them how much I enjoyed them. I looked at Cindy as they walked out to get on the bus and I tried one more time to win her over.
" So," I said, " What do you think, can I come back and visit sometime?..." She looked at me with a raised eyebrow and said, "Maybe." And like that they all ran off to their parents or onto to the bus and I was forgotten instantly. Imagine the joy those kids felt just knowing they were going home for lunch!
See you tomorrow,
Kelly
Friday, January 15, 2010
Gratitude
Hello again,
Okay so I had a little lapse yesterday. No real excuses except that I did teach all day and then I had to get my family ready for a basketball game which did not end until late and then we had to eat dinner, do homework, prepare for the next day etc. so I didn't blog-slacker that I am, but I did think about it and I did think about what I wanted to write. This is about baby steps as I said last post. That said...
Gratitude is the theme today. Gratitude is the state of being grateful. Grateful is the state of being thankful or appreciative. We have just finished the holiday season and usually for many of us that is a time to reflect on what we are truly grateful for; if you can get over the hustle bustle and stress that the holidays can bring.
This past holiday season was particularly difficult as we had three different people that we are close to wind up in the hospital for one reason or another. I will not disclose the who, whats, wheres, whys, of exactly what happened, but just know that right before Christmas someone wound up in the hospital fighting for his life. Shortly after Christmas two others that are close to my heart wound up in the hospital for various reasons. Needless to say the holidays were not that merry for me.
The events of a tragedy bring so many emotions; anger- yes anger as crazy as that sounds because you say how could this happen at a time of year when things are supposed to be so happy? Another emotion is fear which I wrote about the other day; this fear was fear of death or losing someone you care about and for each incident I was fearful. Sadness of course is an emotion that you experience during any difficult time and finally the most healing and soothing emotion was feeling grateful.
I started to feel grateful for all of my blessings. My immediate family is in good health. My children are happy( for the most part, I do have a tweenager), my husband still has a job( which allows me this writing dream), I have people who love me and who I love. I have my own health and I am able to participate in triathlon, I am able to breath clean air, I have all the essentials in order to live, the list goes on and on from basic needs to the very extravagant. Speaking of people we love that brings me to another point.
I am grateful knowing that there are people in the world that love me but I am certain that the reverse is true. We don't always think of how we touch others and how others touch us until a bad event strikes. Why don't we tell those who we love that we do more often? Why do wait until something bad happens to tell people that they are important and that they matter?
When a tragedy strikes it brings reflection. I am grateful for life and living it each and every day; good or bad, it certainly beats the alternative. I am grateful for a voice that I can use to say to people," Hey, I love you, you are great, you matter!" We all matter and we touch each other in ways that we don't realize until sometimes it is too late. I am grateful it is not too late!
Love to all,
p.s. I am grateful not to live in Haiti right now and feel a surge of emotions for those people living with the disaster.
Kelly
Okay so I had a little lapse yesterday. No real excuses except that I did teach all day and then I had to get my family ready for a basketball game which did not end until late and then we had to eat dinner, do homework, prepare for the next day etc. so I didn't blog-slacker that I am, but I did think about it and I did think about what I wanted to write. This is about baby steps as I said last post. That said...
Gratitude is the theme today. Gratitude is the state of being grateful. Grateful is the state of being thankful or appreciative. We have just finished the holiday season and usually for many of us that is a time to reflect on what we are truly grateful for; if you can get over the hustle bustle and stress that the holidays can bring.
This past holiday season was particularly difficult as we had three different people that we are close to wind up in the hospital for one reason or another. I will not disclose the who, whats, wheres, whys, of exactly what happened, but just know that right before Christmas someone wound up in the hospital fighting for his life. Shortly after Christmas two others that are close to my heart wound up in the hospital for various reasons. Needless to say the holidays were not that merry for me.
The events of a tragedy bring so many emotions; anger- yes anger as crazy as that sounds because you say how could this happen at a time of year when things are supposed to be so happy? Another emotion is fear which I wrote about the other day; this fear was fear of death or losing someone you care about and for each incident I was fearful. Sadness of course is an emotion that you experience during any difficult time and finally the most healing and soothing emotion was feeling grateful.
I started to feel grateful for all of my blessings. My immediate family is in good health. My children are happy( for the most part, I do have a tweenager), my husband still has a job( which allows me this writing dream), I have people who love me and who I love. I have my own health and I am able to participate in triathlon, I am able to breath clean air, I have all the essentials in order to live, the list goes on and on from basic needs to the very extravagant. Speaking of people we love that brings me to another point.
I am grateful knowing that there are people in the world that love me but I am certain that the reverse is true. We don't always think of how we touch others and how others touch us until a bad event strikes. Why don't we tell those who we love that we do more often? Why do wait until something bad happens to tell people that they are important and that they matter?
When a tragedy strikes it brings reflection. I am grateful for life and living it each and every day; good or bad, it certainly beats the alternative. I am grateful for a voice that I can use to say to people," Hey, I love you, you are great, you matter!" We all matter and we touch each other in ways that we don't realize until sometimes it is too late. I am grateful it is not too late!
Love to all,
p.s. I am grateful not to live in Haiti right now and feel a surge of emotions for those people living with the disaster.
Kelly
Wednesday, January 13, 2010
Enthusiasm
Hello again,
Today is day three of writing in here, and I have to say that I'm still sort of figuring out how to navigate in here and what I actually want to do with this. That said; yesterday I was so excited about my fear speech that I realized I had left out some things I wanted to say and that I had made some grammatical errors; I realized I could not go in and correct once I posted.
Regarding fear again; I think that I left out an important part and that is that when we are fearful we sometimes are because of the unknown, but if we knew everything there was to know on a project than we might over think it and never start it in the first place. For example, child birth and child rearing. If you knew the pain of child birth beforehand (obviously if you are male this doesn't apply) would you go through with it? If you knew how hard it would be to raise children would you do it? I think diving into things is the best way to overcome fear, at least for me.
Now that I've cleared that up I wanted to write about enthusiasm. Enthusiasm is defined as a feeling of excitement or exuberance: overflowing with eager enjoyment. That about sums up the feelings I was having yesterday with my brilliant speech about fear. I was so utterly excited that I left things out and made errors. My enthusiasm was my own worst enemy because I wasn't paying attention to the details.
What comes to mind is a funny movie called A Christmas Story. Maybe you've seen it, if you haven't I recommend it. There is a scene where the little boy in the story is daydreaming in elementary school about a theme he has to write. His daydream is about how brilliant his theme is but in reality it wasn't quite what his teacher thought was so A+. I had to laugh at myself for my own enthusiasm yesterday and realize that I need to curb it- get it- Curb Your Enthusiasm , which also happens to be one of my favorite shows. I can see Larry David now writing an episode about a writer who thinks they are wonderful but maybe they are not.
Then again we need enthusiasm to try new things. I am always enthusiastic in the beginning of new projects. This is also a new year which is a time for new years resolutions. We start out gunge ho for our resolutions only to find that we may not be able to keep them. Which brings me to my next point; baby steps.
Baby steps is how I am approaching writing. By using this blog and writing something each day I am closer to the goal of really becoming a writer and living the writers life.
Kelly
p.s. I am almost done with my latest story. I should finish in a day or two.
Today is day three of writing in here, and I have to say that I'm still sort of figuring out how to navigate in here and what I actually want to do with this. That said; yesterday I was so excited about my fear speech that I realized I had left out some things I wanted to say and that I had made some grammatical errors; I realized I could not go in and correct once I posted.
Regarding fear again; I think that I left out an important part and that is that when we are fearful we sometimes are because of the unknown, but if we knew everything there was to know on a project than we might over think it and never start it in the first place. For example, child birth and child rearing. If you knew the pain of child birth beforehand (obviously if you are male this doesn't apply) would you go through with it? If you knew how hard it would be to raise children would you do it? I think diving into things is the best way to overcome fear, at least for me.
Now that I've cleared that up I wanted to write about enthusiasm. Enthusiasm is defined as a feeling of excitement or exuberance: overflowing with eager enjoyment. That about sums up the feelings I was having yesterday with my brilliant speech about fear. I was so utterly excited that I left things out and made errors. My enthusiasm was my own worst enemy because I wasn't paying attention to the details.
What comes to mind is a funny movie called A Christmas Story. Maybe you've seen it, if you haven't I recommend it. There is a scene where the little boy in the story is daydreaming in elementary school about a theme he has to write. His daydream is about how brilliant his theme is but in reality it wasn't quite what his teacher thought was so A+. I had to laugh at myself for my own enthusiasm yesterday and realize that I need to curb it- get it- Curb Your Enthusiasm , which also happens to be one of my favorite shows. I can see Larry David now writing an episode about a writer who thinks they are wonderful but maybe they are not.
Then again we need enthusiasm to try new things. I am always enthusiastic in the beginning of new projects. This is also a new year which is a time for new years resolutions. We start out gunge ho for our resolutions only to find that we may not be able to keep them. Which brings me to my next point; baby steps.
Baby steps is how I am approaching writing. By using this blog and writing something each day I am closer to the goal of really becoming a writer and living the writers life.
Kelly
p.s. I am almost done with my latest story. I should finish in a day or two.
Tuesday, January 12, 2010
Fear
Hello again,
Well here I am it is day two. Last night I had a cup of coffee around 5pm; bad idea as at my age. I tossed and turned all night while I should have been getting my eight hours. The good news is that I had an "aha" moment as my mother likes to call them. She has reminded me that since I turned forty I would have these epiphanies quite often- and I hate to admit but she is right. Somehow with the wrinkles and weight gain comes some "aha" moments in life where things seem to make sense. I digress. Anyway during my sleepless night I realized that today I wanted to write about fear and the power it can have over us.
Fear is defined as unpleasant emotion caused by expectation or awareness of danger; the verb to be afraid. Humm sounds a lot like me with this writing thing. For the last few years I have talked the talk but not really walked the walk and why? Plain and simple; fear. The what ifs are a killer. For example, what if no one reads any of this? What if no one likes my stories? What if I am rejected(which actually I already have been)? What if I suck at writing and I fail? I have stopped and started many projects as a result of fear.
I wanted to address fear so that I can move forward with my writing and not be stifled by my own doubt. Ignorance is bliss and that is so true. When I did my first triathlon was I scared? Yes, so you could say I was fearful because of the unknown; I did not know what to expect but I simply plowed through blocking out of my mind the little person that says," you can't do that." I embraced the other voice in my head that said,"you can do this." I prepared by training and reading so that I wasn't a blithering idiot at the start line but at the same time I was ignorant to the fact that I might actually be successful at it.
Alanis Morissette says it so wonderfully in her Eight Easy Steps song; a line that says," how to sabotage your fantasies by fears of success." She'll teach you all this in eight easy steps a chance of a lifetime you'll never forget. The point is that we can sabotage our own goals and fantasies by being afraid of succeeding as well. The old saying be careful what you wish for just might happen and with that comes responsibility and who wants that?!
We all need to listen the voice in our head that says, "yes you can!" I'll keep telling myself this as I plow forward, not knowing what lies ahead, but then who really knows anyway? I'll see you tomorrow.
Kelly
p.s. I did write a few pages in my story Karaoke Fridays yesterday and when I sign off here today I'll be doing the same, I am closer to being done:)
p.p.s. Is anyone reading this?
Well here I am it is day two. Last night I had a cup of coffee around 5pm; bad idea as at my age. I tossed and turned all night while I should have been getting my eight hours. The good news is that I had an "aha" moment as my mother likes to call them. She has reminded me that since I turned forty I would have these epiphanies quite often- and I hate to admit but she is right. Somehow with the wrinkles and weight gain comes some "aha" moments in life where things seem to make sense. I digress. Anyway during my sleepless night I realized that today I wanted to write about fear and the power it can have over us.
Fear is defined as unpleasant emotion caused by expectation or awareness of danger; the verb to be afraid. Humm sounds a lot like me with this writing thing. For the last few years I have talked the talk but not really walked the walk and why? Plain and simple; fear. The what ifs are a killer. For example, what if no one reads any of this? What if no one likes my stories? What if I am rejected(which actually I already have been)? What if I suck at writing and I fail? I have stopped and started many projects as a result of fear.
I wanted to address fear so that I can move forward with my writing and not be stifled by my own doubt. Ignorance is bliss and that is so true. When I did my first triathlon was I scared? Yes, so you could say I was fearful because of the unknown; I did not know what to expect but I simply plowed through blocking out of my mind the little person that says," you can't do that." I embraced the other voice in my head that said,"you can do this." I prepared by training and reading so that I wasn't a blithering idiot at the start line but at the same time I was ignorant to the fact that I might actually be successful at it.
Alanis Morissette says it so wonderfully in her Eight Easy Steps song; a line that says," how to sabotage your fantasies by fears of success." She'll teach you all this in eight easy steps a chance of a lifetime you'll never forget. The point is that we can sabotage our own goals and fantasies by being afraid of succeeding as well. The old saying be careful what you wish for just might happen and with that comes responsibility and who wants that?!
We all need to listen the voice in our head that says, "yes you can!" I'll keep telling myself this as I plow forward, not knowing what lies ahead, but then who really knows anyway? I'll see you tomorrow.
Kelly
p.s. I did write a few pages in my story Karaoke Fridays yesterday and when I sign off here today I'll be doing the same, I am closer to being done:)
p.p.s. Is anyone reading this?
Monday, January 11, 2010
Hello
Hello,
I've decided to write a blog to help get me motivated to write something every day. A long term goal of mine has been to compose a novel or novelette of some of my short stories. On my blog I will update you on how that is going and also post some of my stories for you to read. I am hopeful by doing this that my goal of getting my book done will become a reality and also I hope to get feedback from family and friends.
You will find a variety of writing on my blog from fiction to non-fiction to editorial type pieces or I may just tell you something that happened to me that day as I tend to find myself in interesting situations just living life. Most of my stories involve family situations and relationships which sounds kind of dull but if you have your own family than you know how crazy and complicated any family can be. I love humor and dark humor and stories of the human spirit and how anyone can overcome issues.
I hope you will visit my blog regularly as this will encourage me to write daily and get the ball rolling. My current story that I've been working on is called Karaoke Fridays and I hope to have it finished soon. It is the story of several different groups of people who happen to show up at a karaoke bar and who end up being intertwined. The karaoke part is really just a backdrop; the heart of the story is the characters and what is happening with them beyond the bar. They all show up to the bar to blow off steam as all the characters have complicated issues going on in their lives. Everything comes full circle at the end.
Stop by again tomorrow and hopefully I will have something new here.
Take care and Happy New Year! Lets make 2010 memorable!
Kelly
I've decided to write a blog to help get me motivated to write something every day. A long term goal of mine has been to compose a novel or novelette of some of my short stories. On my blog I will update you on how that is going and also post some of my stories for you to read. I am hopeful by doing this that my goal of getting my book done will become a reality and also I hope to get feedback from family and friends.
You will find a variety of writing on my blog from fiction to non-fiction to editorial type pieces or I may just tell you something that happened to me that day as I tend to find myself in interesting situations just living life. Most of my stories involve family situations and relationships which sounds kind of dull but if you have your own family than you know how crazy and complicated any family can be. I love humor and dark humor and stories of the human spirit and how anyone can overcome issues.
I hope you will visit my blog regularly as this will encourage me to write daily and get the ball rolling. My current story that I've been working on is called Karaoke Fridays and I hope to have it finished soon. It is the story of several different groups of people who happen to show up at a karaoke bar and who end up being intertwined. The karaoke part is really just a backdrop; the heart of the story is the characters and what is happening with them beyond the bar. They all show up to the bar to blow off steam as all the characters have complicated issues going on in their lives. Everything comes full circle at the end.
Stop by again tomorrow and hopefully I will have something new here.
Take care and Happy New Year! Lets make 2010 memorable!
Kelly
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