Joy

Hello,

Okay so what I'm noticing is that I am spending more time writing in this blog than finishing my latest story. My procrastination is kicking in here as I am distracted by the blog. However I am writing something and that is the goal. By the way I forgot to mention in my gratitude blog how truly grateful I am for my niece Jennifer and her husband Tivoni. They are the people who helped me set up this blog as I am not as technologically savvy as the typical twenty year old. I am trying.
Now that I've cleared that up I'd like to touch on the emotion joy. I am seeing a pattern here with this blog. Humm.
Joy is the feeling of happiness and perhaps one of my resolutions this year is to find simple joy in things that I do everyday or things that I do in life. I'm thinking that by finding simple joy it can lead to contentment- not that I'm not already content but...
I substitute teach in my children's district and realized yesterday that by rotating around to the different elementary schools I am learning what I like and I don't like; in case I ever commit to this full time. Yesterday I discovered a wonderful little school down in Wellsville. I was in for kindergarten and the building is the schools old building that they only use for kindergarten now. There are two classes in the building and that is it.
The building is an old stone school house. The classrooms are huge and there is coatroom that separates the two classrooms. There is a fireplace in the room and old fashioned piano. I felt like Laura Ingalls going to school.They have their own separate playground too which is wonderful for kids just going to school and learning the routine.
I felt true joy just with these pleasant surroundings but I knew that feeling could change in an instant because as a substitute you are fair game for nonsense and the kids know it. They are like little predators; they know when to pounce when you hesitate. Thank God I am a good actress. Subbing 101, even if you are not sure of something( which will happen to you about a million times) fake it.
The day was flowing and it was truly joyful. The kids were listening, their little eyes sparkling as they held onto to all my words about polar bears and penguins. When you are flowing it is the best feeling in the world. You feel like a rock star on stage as they are smiling and nodding and holding onto to every word until one of them strikes your concentration.
Yesterday was no different than any other day subbing except perhaps I was able to let go a little and realize that these little people are giving me such joy even with the hundred questions of when they could use the bathroom or that they had a boobo that was bleeding; and two of them really did.
The funniest part of the day was a child who I'll call Cindy. There is always a Cindy in class. She wasn't bad, just precocious and questioned every word I said even though I give a speech in the beginning of class reminding the kids that I am not their teacher and I will do things differently. Most of the kids buy into this speech but there is always one...
During recess, Cindy and I were able to converse one on one. She told me she was sick and I replied, "You shouldn't come to school sick Cindy." She replied, " But Mrs. S does." Mrs. S is her regular teacher. I thought this was funny but also probably true as five years olds are brutally honest.
My next exchange with Cindy was me asking if she was having a good day and liked having me as a substitute. Her reply was,"No." My heart broke instantly and that early joy dissipitated instantly. "Why Cindy?" I asked. "I like it when Mrs. K visits us." "Who is Mrs. K?," I asked. "She is our school nurse." Ah suddenly I didn't feel so bad anymore. The school nurse is a rock star in her own right.
During centers I was rotating around the room as if you are behind your desk for a second you are dead. Cindy was on the computer, not exactly on task, so I helped her get back on track. She looked at me and said, "You don't need to come over here, I know what I'm doing." "Indeed," I replied and had to laugh to myself, the joy was coming back as I remembered my own experiences with substitutes. Testing the waters was always so fun!
Later Cindy and two others were studying a large floor map. They asked me to point to where Pennsylvania is on the map. I said," We live in Pennsylvania don't we?" The boys shook their heads yes but not Cindy. "I don't live in Pennsylvania!" "Where do you live Cindy?" I wondered where this was going. "I live in the mountains." I nodded.
The morning flew by and we said our goodbyes.I lined them up, helping button their coats and telling them how much I enjoyed them. I looked at Cindy as they walked out to get on the bus and I tried one more time to win her over.
" So," I said, " What do you think, can I come back and visit sometime?..." She looked at me with a raised eyebrow and said, "Maybe." And like that they all ran off to their parents or onto to the bus and I was forgotten instantly. Imagine the joy those kids felt just knowing they were going home for lunch!

See you tomorrow,
Kelly